


Fifty to Live or Fifty to Die

by Xin0Lan



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Aftermath of a Case, Angst, Case Fic, Detectives, F/M, Family, Gen, Happy, Heart Attacks, Hospitalization, Post-Season/Series 02, Sad, Season/Series 02, Sick Character, Surgery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-03 12:56:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5291696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xin0Lan/pseuds/Xin0Lan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex Hardy didn't know which half to put his hopes in, even the doctors didn't know if he would make it off the surgery table. To live or to die: the uncertainty of it all terrified him. Should he die, life would still go on, so dying would be okay, right? Should he live though, where would Ellie, Daisy, and Tess stand in his new chance at life? Multi-chapter in progress. Published on Fanfiction: 13 Nov 2015</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 50 Reasons to Say No

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on Fanfiction. Will be updating this one also. Live writing, posting as each chapter is completed.

**Chapter 1**

_(Setting: Pre-pacemaker surgery, but Sandbrook case and the trial both succeeded.)_

* * *

Ellie Miller leant back on her elbows as the soft ripples of the waves kissed her bare ankles as whilst watching the burning red sun sink lower and lower into the cerulean waters. Tonight would be an amazing night, she just knew it would be. Peace finally came. The storm moved on.

Life had dealt her a very good hand at one time in her early days, but as with a new round in the game so came a new hand, a very bad hand. Being married to a paedophile murderer certainly was filed in the "bad hand" group, but that round had finished. She played her final cards, hoping they were enough to win. They were: A royal flush. The highest value in poker. She won, but though it came with much sacrifice.

The miserable, pitiful, hated creature who was at the epicentre of this ghastly mayhem was finally brought to justice. He would spend the rest of his days cowering behind bars for his horrific actions. No one would cry for him, no one would pity him, and most of all- no one would visit him in that dismal little white box.

Before Ellie could lose herself in reminiscence of what was, another figure joined her.

Alec Hardy.

The man whom she absolutely detested from the very moment Chief Super uttered his name as having taken over her job whilst she was away, and only grew to barely tolerate as time went on, but now she found his presence welcoming and enjoyable. Well, almost welcoming, there were countless times when his brooding fiery temper could rival his ancestors' fierce war-like spirit.

"Sir," she greeted out of habit and patted the sand next to her.

"Don't call me that Miller, I haven't been your boss for such a long time," he purred in that unmistakable Scottish burr and sat in the same manner she did.

"Drop the Miller and we'll call it a draw." She smirked and inched close to lean her head on his bony shoulder. Neither one interpreted touch as a romantic gesture, merely a show of appreciation for each other's company. No words were needed betwixt them, companionable silence satisfied them very much.

Their relationship was too outlandish for the conventional labels of either: friends, work mates, or family-friend. At times they fought, bickered, and threw the sharpest barbs at each other with those stinging insults; however, there were sweet moments, moments of complete and utter devotion to the one and only. Only a thin wavering line stood between them as either friend or family, it was a mutual unspoken agreement to never cross it.  _Never was forever, right?_

"Beautiful out here, isn't it? Lovely weather too," she murmured after a long while passed.

"Nay, too much sky, too much water, too much of the sea all around. I hate it." The words rolled off his tongue just like for waves rolled into the sand bed, soft and soothing.

"I knew you'd say that, but I know it's not true either," she punched his arm gently, "Admit it. You do like it here. No more of that penance stuff to drag around, eh?"

Only nodding his head in response, Alec cupped his arm around Miller and wrapped the two of them together.

Silence encompass the them as the sun's final rays danced in and out of the gentle waves. Nothing made a sound except the small ripples of water washing the sand bed and one other sound...

_Thummmp-thump….Thump-thump-thump-thump...thump….._

It was music to her ears.

Those irregular beats pounded painfully hard against Hardy's rib cage, but he skilfully hid its constant great discomfort. Well, perhaps he needed to sharpen those skills because he knew Ellie had noticed his distress when she snuggled tighter in his arms. His poor, worn down, and over-stressed heart was a time bomb waiting to set off, only it wouldn't set off an explosion- it would just end.

Silence screams loudest and that is exactly what his strained ticker would do.

_Just. Stop. Ticking. Silence._

Hardy wouldn't burden her with that knowledge though. It wasn't fair. Things had finally started to turn for the better, it didn't needed to be soured again. Of course she knew about the pacemaker surgery, but she didn't know why he refused it so adamantly.

"Sir," she faltered, "Are you alright?" Placing a palm above his arrhythmia, she felt the violent jumps.

Ellie knew him far too long for his deceit to fool her. Alec didn't respond, merely stared aimlessly at the black waters riding up and down the jagged rocks just to their left. Once again, Silence screamed the unspoken.

He was not fine at all. He was a far cry from being anywhere remotely termed as "okay". Ellie shuddered at the dark possibility always looming in the back of her worries.

_What if he...? No. Don't think about it. Don't think like that._

_There's the surgery. The doctors said it would help...but it would only help if he survived. Surely Hardy would survive, wouldn't he? Pacemaker procedures aren't experimental, there have been many success stories._

"Ithink we should go inside. It's turned chilly and this winds isn't helping at all. Come." She stood and held out a hand for him to grasp.

Drawing himself back to the present reality, Alec look up at Ellie with a dazed expression. Noting her offer, he took it and pulled against her to right himself. Surprisingly, Ellie didn't topple when he threw his weight into her resistance helping him stand. A sharp breath told the younger DS just how much effort it pained him to stand.

_I don't see why he goes on like this, the surgery will help this. He must be reasoned with._

"Dizzy?" Not trusting his own judgement to stand firm, she didn't loosening her grip on his arm.

"Fine," he huffed and pulled the overcoat tighter around his scrawny tooth-pick frame. She feared a strong gust of wind would topple him.

* * *

Slowly, the two lumbered off the beach and back to Alec's. His little blue abode was only two miles away, but even walking at a very slow shuffling pace took its toll on his breathing. His pride kept him from taking moments recomposed his laboured breaths, Ellie knew that so kept his dignity and didn't ask to stop once. It took the better part of the hour to reach the small wooden gate enclosing his blue haven.

Relying solely on the fence pickets to support his weight, Hardy didn't even bother trying to get the latch open. His fingers and mind were too discombobulated to function, not to mention the tremors had stated up again when the body was pushed past its threshold. How they managed to three steps up to the small sitting room was a bit of a blur for both Ellie and Alec.

Finally, the former DI and his former DS were each settled in their respective chairs.

The uneasy tension of the room could easily have set a tuning fork vibrating loudly.

Not able to endure it any longer, Ellie blurted out in a string of thought, "Alec, the surgery you told me about before. I really think you need to consider it again. Your heart need it. Just look at today. If I had any say, I'd call this your worst so far. Since when did two miles do you in so much? It wasn't even on a slope. Please? You dearly need it. Just look at yourself, so pale. Those clothes are too baggy for you, practically skin and bones are all I see on you."

"Enough Ellie," he reprimanded gently whilst unconsciously massaging his chest, "You've had your say. No surgery for me. I won't have it. Today was exceptionally taxing because I forgot my noon medications and didn't have any of those white tablets to supplement with. Before you go ballistic on me and missing my dose, it wasn't my fault." She sat straight and eyed him critically, challenging what he dare say next. "

"As you know, Chief Super reinstated my status as part of the force, but now stuck as a paper-pusher and only in the supervising role restricted to solely the building. Anyway, I was called away to a last minute meeting for something I can't remember now, must have been terribly dull, so that's why I didn't take them."

"How dare you miss a dose! Alec! You can't just completely forget something like that! Just look what it did to you today. Did you even eat anything for lunch? No medication for a whole afternoon, then you have the nerve to come sit by me at the beach fully aware you still hadn't taken anything! How did you even make it to the beach in one piece?"

"Oi! Give me some credit at least! I'm not dead, I can still walk just fine," he crossed his arms in a huff and whispered a faint no to her question about eating.

"Alec Hardy!" Miller's mothering tone and towering presence came suddenly and he knew he wasn't going to be let off it any time soon, "What are you doing to yourself? Are you trying to kill yourself?" The look of shock and hurt on his face only fuelled her on, "Is that really it, why you're refusing the surgery? Why you're not taking care of yourself? Why can't you... How come you can't be... Can you at least try to be... When will you learn that..."

By the end of Ellie's venting tirade, she slumped back in her seat out of breath and out of energy.

"I am sorry Ellie."

It was only four short words, but Hardy said them clearly in the sincerest voice possible. He really did feel sorry for putting Miller through all that. It wasn't just her anger with him for not taking care of himself, it was also her unsaid fear passionate concern for his future health status that struck him hard.

"Alec please, " she moved to sit on the small coffee table directly in front of him, "Tell me why you refuse the surgery? You're withholding information, it's not helping anything at all."

"No Ellie. No surgery. That's that." He averted his gave to the space just over her head.

"Tell me why then."

"No."

"Alec," she cautioned, "say something."

"Fine, I'll tell you." A sigh of regret escaped his breath as he contemplated how to begin the long explanation.


	2. 50 Reason Worth Living For

**Chapter 2**

_"_ _Alec please," Ellie moved to sit on the small coffee table directly in front of him, "Tell me why you refuse the surgery? You're withholding information; it's not helping anything at all."_

_"No Ellie. No surgery. That's that." He averted his gace to the space just over her head._

_"Alec..."_

_"Fine, I'll tell you." A sigh of regret escaped his breath as he contemplated how to begin the long explanation._

* * *

After a long roundabout explanation that did little to answer Miller's question, Hardy finally fell silent and resigned to picking the lint specs off his trousers. It had been both physically and emotionally draining for him today, Miller felt the same effects too. He deeply regretted giving into her requests, those emotions were his alone; they were too personal to share with anyone. Even Ellie.

The two were now at an impasse, Alec refused to speak anymore and Ellie didn't know what to say to calm his troubled state.

It was the beginning of a long night Alec thought, especially if Ellie didn't say anything. She usually talks and talks non-stop, always having something to natter away at.

Seeing his former-workmate dozing off on the far end of the sofa, he shuffled quietly to the kitchen to make a cuppa and take a plethora of pills before his battered body would make a fool of itself again.

 _"Oh, are you just making one for yourself?"_  A little voice reminded him.

A small smirk brightened his eyes as he recalled that particular conversation in the office break-room, so he pulled out another mug.

"Ellie," Alec prodded gently with the mug in hand, "Wake up, here. Drink this."

"Mmm, thanks. It's good. Are you okay? Head spinning? How are you feeling? Have you eaten? Did you take your medicine? What time is it?" Ellie rambled immediately after her first sip. Never underestimate the healing powers of a good strong cuppa.

"Welcome. Yes. Fine. No. Yes. Just after eight" he answered smugly know she was just throwing his bad habit of successive questions back in his face.

"Too cheeky for your own good, that'll get you in trouble Alec," she shook a disapproving finger at him. "Come, I'm famished and you must eat," she paused a step, "Also you didn't answer my question about your head, I'll take your no comment as a 'yes'. Thought I wouldn't notice, hmm?" He had enough to sense in him to look remorseful for sidestepping the question earlier.

"Remember, I'm a mother and I have two boys-that should tell you everything."

"As if I'll ever forget that, wee Fred is such a handful! Don't remember Daisy being that energetic at his age."

* * *

True to every Brit's ways, the magical wonders of tea soon empowered him with just enough energy to help her whip up a simple but healthy supper of a simple dish of mixed meat-vegetables accompanied by plain pasta.

In his haste to clear off a spot on the small kitchen table for the two plates, Alec knocked over a stack of letter, sending them flying everywhere. Kneeling down to collect them turned out to be a bad error in judgement, for his vertigo went into overdrive. It was as if he was riding one of those spinning tea cups at Disney, only he wasn't in control of how fast to spin. It just kept going faster and faster, up and down suddenly lost all meaning.

_Was up going down and down going up?_

"Alec! Alec! Open your eyes. Look at me!" Ellie all but screamed in his face as she stretched him to lay flat against the cool tile floor.

Feeling grounded by the coldness, Alec's swimming vision fell on a very very irate red-faced Ellie kneeling over him waving something white. His heart lurched forcefully, she wasn't suppose to see that at all. His medical history was personal, reading it became a breach of privacy regulations.

"Miller," he slurred not quite lucid yet, rolling the 'r' longer than usual.

"Don't talk. I'm going to help you sit up, okay?"

As soon as he was sitting upright leaning against the wall, he bite the bullet knowing he couldn't stave off what was about to come. However, Ellie had changed back to her typical talkative self thanks to the tea, and ungracefully dumped a handful of letters addressed from his doctors and the NHS into his open palms before he could utter a single word out.

"I demand an explanation Alec Hardy! And don't give me any nonsense babble! Now eat this before you keel over again." A plate was thrusted in his face.

Every letter for the last six months practically reiterated the same ideas over and over: his heart was weak and strained which made surgery paramount, but because it was so weak it also put him at a considerable risk of not waking up. There were even two handwritten letter posted two months ago each respectively from his GP and cardiologist, both pleading and begging him to follow through with the surgery. Ironically both signed it with the same warning, he couldn't help but wonder if they sat next to each other conspiring against him.

_"...Alec, I urge you to undergo the operation as soon as possible. I'll be frank about this Alec, push aside the doubt of not making it through because if you don't get it, you definitely won't make it in time to watch the ground turn white. Please..."_

"Well," Ellie ordered impatiently, "start talking." The poor vegetable became victim to her angry fork stabbing before being eaten.

"What do you want me to say? What is there to say? What can I say?" He fumed dangerously drawing out the Scottish burr even stronger, "I'm a time bomb waiting to explode. My heart is a weakling, and it's only getting worse. What happened a moment ago was proof enough. Okay?! Understand!? I'm dying Ellie!" The plate almost went flying had it not been for her hand to keep his from waving around. "In hospital, I told you it had been ongoing for the past eighteen months ago and became progressively worse the last two month. To date it is just about twenty-one months, three shy of two years- if I make it." He scoffed bitterly.

Stunned by his force of fury and pent up hurt, she questioned gently, "Do you really think so little about your life?" His silence said yes. "Oh Alec, really, how could you? You're definitely not a weakling, quite the opposite instead. How could you think that! Where did you get that idea from!"

"Back when I was a newly appointed DS, I passed out one day without warning, so, inevitably I became the punchline for every office joke. Then not long after that happened I found out about this," he spit out the last word with so much hatred as he poked the beating organ, "then Sandbrook fell, then my family fell apart, I was falling apart. What else could I do, but believe their words as true? Weak and dying. Even the doctors agree with me, I won't make to the end of this year." He fished out the two letters for her to read, but she pushed them aside.

"I don't believe them. You will live if you go for the surgery."

"But that's not a guarantee, what if...?" he trailed off as Ellie rocked him as she would for Fred when he would cry for a full ten minutes before she felt Alec relax. If thoughts alone could murder, those ungrateful scums would not be alive to bedevil Alec's mind any longer Ellie thought.

_How dare they torment a man like that, to make him lose all hope of living!_

"Feeling better?" He nodded and gave her a small smile.

"I'm sorry Miller."

"Nothing to be sorry about. It's good you told me this, thank you. One thing Alec, both Sandbrook and Latimer case are finished now you can make an appointment to see your cardiologist. Would you please?"

"If you really think it'll help, but I doubt it." Alec shrugged and accepted her offer to help him stand. "Now, I promise no more fainting on my part and you must promise to go get your children now so we can have a good time tonight."


	3. Tea, Telly, and Tom

**Chapter 3**

* * *

_"...then finally can make an appointment to see your cardiologist. Would you please?" Ellie asked softly._

_"If you really think it'll help, but I doubt it." Alec shrugged and accepted her offer to help him stand. "Now, I promise no more fainting on my part and you must promise to go get your children now so we can have a good time tonight."_

* * *

As promised, Ellie left to collect her children from Lucy, but not before she bullied her former boss into staying seated bundled up in front of the telly nursing a fresh pot of tea.

"Don't. Move. I'll be back shortly," Ellie cautioned with a stern face.

"Aye ma'am. Not moving a muscle." He raised the mug in salute.

The endless drone of chattering voices coming from the latest documentary on beekeeping soon lulled him to sleep.

Deep sleep, however, fleeted away from him. It was a tumultuous and violent fit of nightmares from various scenes harassing his old tattered mind. A jumble of different horrors raged one after another one rapid succession, each with the same ending: him watching himself die in a very unforgiving way, then attending his own funeral with only Paul Coates and his virtual-self in attendance.

_The epitome of a pitiful eulogy._

-0-0-

"Awc," a tiny voice called out interrupting his bout of fits and muffled whimpers. Again it cried out, but with force this time. "Awc! Wake!"

Wee hands patted his face as gently as any toddler was able to with their level of fine motor skills, which wasn't very gentle consider Alec's eyeballs nearly got poked out in the process.

"Hi Awc," the tender voice chirped seeing a response to his incessant pattering on "Awc's" poor face.

"Careful there Fred, don't want to hurt Uncle Alec's eyes, now do we?" The faint but unmistakable English lilt floated in and out of the little one's gleeful babbles.

Drawing the squirming toddler into a cuddle, Alec finally became fully alert and eyed Ellie skeptically. It wasn't usual or generally acceptable to use small children as alarm clocks, but then again she wasn't one to go by the books.

Turning his attention back to the stone-melting smile of a babe, Alec softly purred, "Hello there wee Fred, how are you? Lots of energy left in you even in this late hour, wish I had the vitality of young'uns these days."

"Awc," Fred squealed with glee at recognising his name being said and solidified the gesture with another less than gentle smack on already red cheeks.

"I take it you're well then. I'm just fine too, thanks for asking. By the looks of your mud-stained trousers, I am inclined to believe your stay with aunt Lucy was rather thrilling," Alec rambled on with his one-sided conversation. "So, how is your mum? She looks a bit scary right now with that scowl. Why don't you see if you can make her smile some, eh?"

He released the little fireball back to the path of mum's open arms and slowly pulled himself straight using the sofa's armrest.

"So," he fumbled for a conversation starter, "You're back with the children. Kept your promise I see. How long have you been here?"

"Not more than ten minutes. Likewise, good on you still staying on the sofa. Now, how about a game? Tom brought over cards and a few board games. Feeling up for a challenge?"

-0-0-

After losing for the fourth consecutive time in some new card game Tom had wanted to play, Alec threw down his hand suit up in sad defeat.

"You sure these cards are fair and didn't stack the deck against me, Tom? I've lost four times already! You won the first two and your mum and wee Fred won the other times. Bit not right, if you ask me."

Tom knew Hardy's complaint was only a harmless jab at being a sore loser, he merely laughed it off.

"Aww, don't worry. You'll win. Here. We'll play a hand together and I'll teach you the secrets."

For the better part of the next two hours, Alec and Tom said side by side enthusiastically dealing out winning hand after winning hand against Ellie in a variety of card games.

Mum's heart melted at the sight of her children slowly accepting Alec Hardy into their topsy-turvy world. If only she had her phone with her, it was a beautiful sight. Tom sat next to Hardy in the same manner, their backs propped It certainly wasn't a change overnight, but with the right word or right action at the right moment, Hardy's studious efforts of gaining Tom's respect and friendship were coming along well. Despite the ever present negative reminder of why the former DI stumbled into their lives, both children liked the time spent with "Uncle Alec".

_The cheery ambiance resonated throughout the tiny blue chalet. If anyone asked about the humble abode, his neighbours would swear some form of faerie magic must have been there, for Hardy's place seemed to shine brighter than ever before in the full moonlight that dipped in and out of the gentle water ripples._

_Perhaps it was the company he kept._

It was the wee hours of morning when all the hubbub trickled down to watching fast paced thrilling adventure about a dragon, elves, and dwarves whilst gorging themselves on sugary hot drinks and buttery popcorn-'themselves' actually referred to Tom as the only one eating the artery-clogging goodness. Wee Fred was more content with his hot milk and Cheerios and both adults settled for a good strong cuppa instead.

There was the occasional comment from Tom about the characters' fighting ability, the costumes, or script that he found intriguing, but soon he grew tired of talk and watched in silence. Alec's eyes fluttered trying to stay awake trying to make it all the way through, but the film was so long- just so long.

As the film drew to the final moments, only Ellie and her eldest son saw the menacing dragon fly off with one last roar. Both the oldest and youngest members of the group were sound asleep curled up together under the warm fluffy duvet. The soft snores harmonised sweetly with the murmurs that escaped wee Fred's tiny mouth.

On impulse, Ellie silently went for Alec's phone that was on the lamp stand and quickly snapped a couple pictures of the adorable scene. Then she and Tom took a selfie before replacing the phone just as it was before. Why she did it, she couldn't answer. Something invisible just moved her muscles to act before her brain had even processed what just transpired.

To disturb them seemed so cruel, so the awake ones mutually decided to leave them there- peacefully sleeping on the sofa.

_A mirror of what was once there: father and son._

* * *

Jumping at the sound of a whistling kettle, Ellie all but tumbled into the kitchen half dressed for work and scowling, Alec looked none the better either. Only the wee one was an exception, happily babbling some nonsense whilst clinging to Uncle Awc's semi rumpled dress trousers for stability to stand.

"Come here Fred. Give mum a morning kiss." He happily complied, teeter tottering his way to mum's open inviting arms.

"Is my little wild monster hungry?" She cooed into his protruding baby belly.

"Ya! Hun-gee! Hun-gee!"

In a few swift moves, Ellie had drink and breakfast set for both boys whilst Alec stood off to the side watching the scene all too well-known rush before his eyes.

_I remembered doing that...her favourite was the chocolate syrup smeared all over her dropped scones* those days have long since past. Oh, a lifetime ago that was...when their whole family's existence was young, fresh, and untainted by atrocities of their profession._

The familiar sensation of juggling a squirming Daisy on one hip as he set the table for his little family of three threatened to crumple his current stoic state so he shuffled quickly to his room to finish dressing and knotting his dark blue tie.

A short while later and a bit of a miracle too, Hardy and the three Millers all were ready to leave. Without realising it or thinking, Miller reached out and straightened Hardy's knot before ushering her small herd to the car.

His heart sent a jolt that pricked his unwanted memories to resurface. Tess use to do that every morning just before they walked hand in hand to the car and drove to work together- pleasantly chattering away on something lighthearted and silly.

_Wonder why today of all days is now suddenly a trip to memory lane? It's no more unusual than the normal happenings when Miller brings her children around. Granted, we've never stayed up till the wee hours on a school night, but breaking that rule is every once in a while._

_All of that bliss was a world away- what he would give to have it all back just to bask in the prime of his life._

_Happy wife. Happy daughter. Good job. Happy life._

_He literally gave his life away trying to fix everything, and look what happened. A broken heart that forced him into being chained to a desk, no better than a dog chained to the doghouse with only a small garden to run around in. Gone was 'the thrill of the chase, the blood pumping through our vein' feeling, it now became a meaningless existing within a little blue box**._

With both children safely deposited in their respective locations: school and child minder, the two law officers drove silently to their work. The radio hummed in the background only loud enough to have some white noise, total silence made the ride incredibly unsettling.

They approached the final intersection leading to the station before Ellie said a word, "Thank you for last night. I enjoyed it, Tom and Fred did also. I hope you didn't mind sharing with the little one, I didn't want to disturb him. He was already sound asleep only twenty minutes into the film. You weren't far behind either. Tom said he enjoyed playing cards with you and wants to teach you how to play the board games soon. Fred likes you, he doesn't take well to others beside me, Tom or..." her voice broke only for a moment before it recovered, "Well, I hope you enjoyed it. You can say otherwise, I won't be angry or ask why. I understand and that..."

"Miller, you're rambling," Hardy gently cut her off then quickly stared out the window, suddenly interested in the electrical stake and its black wires, "But yes, I enjoyed it last night. You can bring the children over again soon. I would like that, even figured out how to beat Tom in that card game."

"Good, I'm glad too. Well, here's to another back in the grind. Ready?" She pull into her spot at the car park and was out rummaging in the boot even before Alec unfastened his safety belt. Shutting the boot, Ellie saw her passenger's deliberate movements in climbing out of the car seat. She furrowed her brow in concern, but didn't say a word, it only brought back to memory when Hardy slowly stood up from the sofa. Maybe she should harass him for that doctor's appointment during the lunch break.

\---

**** quote from BBC Sherlock series2 episode1, and a nod to the 10th doctor. :)**


	4. One File and Four Taps

**Chapter 4**

* * *

_"Good, I'm glad too. Well, here's to another day back in the grind. Ready?" She pull into her spot at the car park and started rummaging around in the boot even before Alec had unfastened his safety belt. Shutting the boot, Ellie saw her passenger's deliberate movements in climbing out of the car seat. She furrowed her brow in concern, but didn't say a word. It only brought back a memory of earlier when Hardy slowly stood up from the sofa._

_Maybe I should harass him for that doctor's appointment during the lunch break. It certainly wouldn't do any harm to ask, now would it?_

* * *

Work started off as usual, file in paperwork, check the records and make sure everything was accurate on paper and in the database. A few minor petty theft reports trickled , which only required a small specific divisions of personnel to handle it, nothing out of the ordinary for a Monday morning at the constabulary.

Around half ten though, the whole ambience of the station changed. A missing person report threw the everyone into a frenzy. Missing persons are serious matters because after forty-eight hours the status would change to Suspicious.

Thankfully it wasn't children, but by the same token it was equally as horrible when the elderly went missing. A Welsh man of eighty-seven years with Alzheimer's housed in an assisted care facility somehow escaped the watchful eyes of both staff and nurses and wandered off the property.

Winston Harold Enys' basic file came to Miller via a personal courier by none other than the one and only brooding Mr. Grumpy who barged through the solid brown door so unceremoniously that all chattering immediately silenced. They were stunned to see their former boss come to this room, but none dared to speak for he was clearly not to be trifled with judging by the warpath stride.

Either oblivious to it all or choosing to ignore the piercing stares, Hardy walked directly to Miller and pushed a file in front of the computer screen, effectively blocking her typing. She couldn't open her mouth fast enough to gripe at his rudeness.

"Miller. It just came in. A missing person report of an elderly gentleman with Alzheimer was not accounted for at the assisted care facility since last night after supper. Chief Super wants you to take point on this and expect you in her office as soon as you finish reading the prelim report. I would hurry if I were you, it's a serious matter."

He spun on his heels and left in the same fashion he came in.

_"Quite the odd one his is, boss is, well former boss. We don't exactly have one right now," Ellie overheard a young Detective Sargent with barely two years under her belt whispered to her fellow DS desk mate a few feet away._

_"Yes, I know, right? Comes barging without even a greeting and then orders people around. I heard he's gone up rank too, running the same circle with Chief Super and the others in charge."_

Miller smiled to herself, the young DSes were right on both accounts: Hardy was indeed quite odd and they didn't have a superior officer of their particular division since Hardy's medical leave- he still kept his title of DI.

What was once Hardy's office now lay barren with only the worn down grey sofa, a small computer and the temperamental filing cabinet that chose to open only when it wanted to.

Ellie skimmed the prelim report taking in as much detail as possible. It could be a simple matter of he wandered away and didn't know which road to take back to the facility, so some kind soul took him in for the night and would turn him to the station soon. However, the unsettling feeling in Ellie's stomach churned violently, it wasn't going to be pretty. It wouldn't be as simple as that she feared. Things were rarely that easy in this quaint little seaside town now that Joe...well times have changed so the town changed too.

"Right," she muttered and took off for the Chief Super's office in haste with the file in tow. If the CS wanted her to run point then that only meant one thing: this wasn't a simple case.  _What other reason could there be?_

* * *

Four rapid taps drew CS Jenkinson attention away from the case at hand and set the file aside.

"Come in."

Ellie stood in front of her boss just as Tom would if he was in trouble with the headmaster.

"You called me here Boss?" Ellie asked with trepidation.

"Yes Miller, close the door and have a seat. I want to discuss something with you." Jenkinson smiled warmly but that only agitated the butterflies in Ellie's stomach.

"Don't look so frightened, you're not in trouble. Now, Hardy should have told you, I've assigned you as head over the Enys case. Are you willing to accept it?"

"Pardon? Me? Why me? Shouldn't it be Hardy?" The DS countered with genuine confusion.

_CS called me in for a proper meeting just to say she wants me in charge, how strange!_

"I mean he still a rank above me even though we're not on the same floor anymore and that I believe he's still..."

"Yes or no, Ellie. Just answer it." CS gently pressed for a response.

"Apologies. Yes, of course. I am happy to accept the offer. Thank you. I will finish this." Ellie stood to leave thinking the worst was over.

Jenkinson casted her baited hook, "Not so fast there, don't you want an answer to your question?" Ellie sat back down- reeling in the line now.

"I am removing your title as DS in your. You rank is now Detective Inspector, equal with DI Hardy. How does that sound? The good news you've been waiting for a long time, right?"

"Boss, I..." Ellie stammered totally not expecting such good news, "that sounds wonderful. Thank you very much. I will be a good DI and solve this one. You can count on it."

"I know you will. Did you think your work with Hardy in Sandbrook and Latimer's went unnoticed? Oh, don't give me that incredulous look. It was you who found the missing piece that broke the lies of those Ricky and his accomplices and sent them on their merry way behind bars. Ellie, now really, don't look so shocked. I'm offended. Remember, I can hear the unspoken words between you and him. I have been in this trade long enough to know the papers are basically worthless when it comes to the hard true facts."

The newly appointed DI smiled sheepishly as she suddenly lost all ability to form coherent speech.

Don't worry Ellie," the mothering boss chided, "You still look frightened. Let me guess, you're concerned about Hardy and your new rank, yes?"

H _ow does she do that? Maybe that's why she's CS, must be in the requirements of knowing how to read minds. Gives me the creeps! Of course I'm worried! Hardy took my job and now I'm taking his? Or is it even his now that he's working elsewhere in the building?_

"Yes. I mean, with all respect ma'am, he has the job I would have had before all of that," she waved her hand dismissively as if trying to keep those bad memories at arms' length away.

"Oh, Miller." The CS chuckled lightly, "you  _do_  worry too much. Hardy was right- you would be like this. Take it easy, this was meant for you all along, remember I did promise you the promotion before you left for Florida. Regardless, Hardy came by weeks ago and asked for you to take his previous place on your floor. He was really persistent about it."

"Just between us," Jenkinson dropped her voice so much that Ellie leant forward to catch the words, "You knew about his poor health and even saw it first hand. He no longer runs the field because of that, I think he's concerned for that aspect of work. It's such an important, but a taxing position- house calls, questioning neighbours, scouring the streets...He knows the detail and dedication you give to work, hence why he gave high recommendation for your promotion."

_Hardy recommending me for his job? Technically, it's both of our jobs but still! Whatever, that's just a minor detail. Wow. Never thought he was capable of kindness, always thought of him as a workaholic pessimistic grump._

Her voice rose to a normal volume again, "Take it Ellie, don't be shy about it. You deserve it, a show of your hard work and loyalty to this field."

"Yes ma'am," Ellie beamed with joy, a DI at last- her dream from aeons ago. "I will, thank you. By the way, you wouldn't mind if Hardy is on this case with me, would you? It... it just wouldn't be right to run this without him at least helping me do some of it because in Sandbrook I...well, he and I..."

"Just as I had predicted. Thick as thieves, you two are, always having to run the same course together. Sandbrook really pulled you close together, didn't it? No, I don't mind at all. Just don't work him too hard, and know that he's not allowed to run around anymore. Do what it take to solve this Miller, I know you will."

The two women shook hands cordially and parted ways, both happy with the outcome.

* * *

Ellie floated on happiness right up until she saw Hardy come striding quickly around the corner, and nearly plowed him over for being unable to stop short.

"Sorry sir, didn't see you coming," Miller tried to scurry on, but Hardy kept a hold of her shoulder.

"S'alright DI Miller. Meet me at the main entrance for lunch," with those words and a small smile he left her bewildered and teetering slightly as he rushed off.

_DI Miller? Of course he would know, set me up for the whole thing. I would be he was eavesdropping the whole conversation. That cheeky sod! He made it sound like the matter was terrible news. Can't wait till I get my hands on him at lunch, he'll be sorry for terrifying me like that!_

* * *

Once again four rapid taps alerted CS Jenkinson to a presence at her door.

"Must be Hardy then, as Ellie just left," she mumbles.

Only two people out of the entire force knock that way-something like the Master's drumbeats more or less it sounded like.

Truly so they are inseparable; joined at the hip, thick as thieves, two peas in a pod, milk and cookies, Doctor and Tardis -whatever the expression- it was and always will be those two running together. Where there is Hardy, so there is Miller or conversely.


	5. Please?

**Chapter 5**

* * *

_Once again four rapid taps alerted CS Jenkinson to a presence at her door._

_"Must be Hardy then, as Ellie just left," she mumbles._

_Only two people out of the entire force knock that way-something like the Master's drumbeats more or less it sounded like._

_Truly inseparable they are: joined at the hip, thick as thieves, two peas in a pod, milk and cookies, Doctor and Tardis -whatever the expression- it was and always will be those two running together. Where there is Hardy, so there is Miller or conversely._

* * *

"Hardy, come in. What can I do you for," CS Jenkinson stood and beckoned with a inviting wave.

Her DI shuffled uncomfortably in and paced in the small area between the desk and closed door.

"Ermm, well I...you...," he cleared his throat and tried again, "Miller she's... So I was wondering...but actually..."

"Hardy, sit down. Take a breath and speak in complete thoughts. You're making me dizzy with your pacing." Jenkinson gently ordered.

"Right. Sorry," he obeyed, "I know we have a fresh case out and need to gather intel. I was hoping you'd allow me back on the field to work it, with Miller of course. I know she's lead on this and...well, it's just that I'd really like to be a part of the force doing something good."

Boss wasn't entirely convinced by his speech, and her expression looked none the more so either.

"Please?" The Scottish mouse squeaked and ran a trembling nervous hand through his tuffs of unruly hair.

Those sad pleading brown eyes broke her heart. He had her convinced with a single word, but she didn't show it.  _Please?_

He pushed on, hoping for something good to come of this meeting, "I really enjoy being back on the force, but I don't like being stuck up on this floor doing paperwork. I miss not having a team to oversee. I want to be useful again, to see a case from start to finish. I can be more than a paper shuffler and walking encyclopedia for the new recruits. I want to do good."

"Alec Hardy. You are an invaluable, irreplaceable member of the force. Don't ever tell yourself otherwise. If everyone was like you, the filing cabinet in Archives would have far fewer standing cold cases, they would all be closed. However, my mind is set, you will not change it. My decision was made the moment I stepped in the office referring you to see Chief Medic. You are in no condition to be gallivanting around all over place."

"But Chief Super, I would really hope that..." he fumbled for the right words to say. There wasn't much he could say to deflect the comment about his health, especially when it was another reason he came to her office.

"Hardy," she clasped her and rested them on the desk, effectively cutting him off mid-sentence. "I can't allow you back running field work because you understand why," he sighed knowingly, the conversation had reached the dead end. "The second is, that is Miller's job now. You yourself came to me with the recommendation."

She help up a palm to keeps more words from tumbling out of his gaping mouth, "However, I will allow you to help as much as you are physically able to with the Enys case, but no house-calls or chasing anything- tangible or not. If you collapse again for any reason whilst on duty, you're done. Understood?"

"Yes I do, but ma'am," he faltered a moment thinking best how to contradict his boss without losing what little of a job he had left, "Since Miller will take the lead in this case, she'll be the actual one running from place to place and questioning alibis. I could help, tag along and take notes, be another set of eyes/ears for the scenes. Besides, I certainly won't be the one running after suspects. You know how splendidly well that went last time," he scoffed disdainfully at the grim reminder of last time he tried to properly run.

_If only I didn't have a broken heart, if only I could run like any other man could, we could have closed the case that night and the horrendous trial wouldn't even exist..._

It was a terrible choice in judgement. He blamed it all on the hype of case, but the blame was as good as a sheer curtain trying to cover something decked out with shiny glitter and sparkling precious stones.

"I'll think about it, but don't put too much hope in what you want. However, for now you may help her gather intel by scouring the the facts we have and talking with nursing staff from the facility brought in for testimonies." His mouth turned up a tiny smile before disappearing again.

_Well it's better than nothing; at least I am still a part of the case. Maybe Miller can have a word with Jenkinson to convince her that my heart isn't really a major concern either of them needs to worry about. I'm not moving fast anyway, won't have to worry about me running off doing something stupid. Miller can certainly vouch for my turtle-pace speed._

"Tell me Hardy," Jenkinson's warning voice pulled him out of his own battling thoughts, "I know you came in here for more than just that one request. Your face is troubled still, tell me. It never bodes when you have The Look. Dare I say it's that Scottish blood in you? You're not the first Scot to give me that Look."

He chuckled slightly, "Aye," the Scottish vowels in his whisper were never more noticeable than now, "It's not a request, just an apology."

 _Oh? That is unexpected especially if it from him._ She sat straighter.

"Unfortunately, I have a doctors' appointment tomorrow afternoon. I'm sorry, so sorry. I tried to postpone it for later because this case just came in. I'm really sorry I won't be able to be here. I know the first few days of new cases are hectic. There's so there's much paperwork needing to be written up," his breath hitched painfully from speaking so fast, "but the doctor wouldn't listen. They only gave me a time slot to choose from..." he trailed off, clearly uncomfortable with the words unsaid. "I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you sooner. They called this morning demanding to see me, wouldn't let me ring off until I'd booked a proper appointment."

Just expressing his thoughts seem to drain both colour and what little energy he had left out. He slumped forward bearing down the burdens of both work and declining health yoked together across his shoulders.

"If they're demanding to see you then I can only assume you've rejected their advise multiple times, right?" Her eyebrow arched, daring him to challenge what she knew was true. He nodded shamefully. "The fifth."

"Goodness Hardy! Five times! Go to your appointment." Boss ordered sternly with a look to match its fierceness, "Don't you dare miss it. I will call Chief Medic again if you do, then you will be put on full medical leave and not return anytime soon. Understood?" He shivered under her threat and nodded slowly.

"Good, see that you do. Never mind with the paperwork, we have plenty of idle hands that would be put to good use filling out reports. Let Miller take care of everything. She can do her own work and you can take care of yourself, promise me that?"

"Aye. I will," he rose slowly, gripping the chair for support. She stood also, fearful he might tumble at the slightest imbalance.

He was her best DI and she couldn't afford to risk his life over work, "A doctor's appointment Hardy, those are important, and there's a reason why you're going too. It's certainly not a friendly chinwag with your GP. Good heavens no! It's a consult with your cardiologist. Your heart, Hardy. Of all things, the valuable heart. Please, take care of yourself." The smile faded into a thin grim line that barely held her pleading worried eyes at bay.

Boss knew this man was so devoted to seeking justice that he disregards all else. An honourable quality it certainly is, but also his obsession- an unhealthy obsession that would quite literally drive him six feet under the ground. The devotion to serving became his driving force to live despite his rapid downward spiraling health.

As common as it may seem, Jenkinson did truly believe Hardy's fierce passion to bring justice for the Latimers and Sandbrook is what kept his broken heart beating then, but what about now?

Her hunches rested firmly on her newly appointed DI, Ellie Miller. His undivided devotion now turned to her, all his energy poured into making sure she would be alright.

_What woman would ever be worthy enough of his fine and beautiful qualities? Passion, devotion, loyal love..._

Hardy left the same manner he came, slowly and awkwardly shuffling out her door and down the hall.

"Was the shuffle slower than when he came it?" Jenkinson wondered, couldn't quite say for certain though, but it felt so. "Probably going to find Miller, I'm guessing. Probably going to hound her in some sly-devil Scottish magic until she lets him on the Enys case. "

* * *

**A-N: Thank you for reading and leaving comments, I do appreciate you taking the time to write them. Cheers! Onwards to the case!**


	6. No! You First!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A-N: Hello! Thank you for reading and writing such nice things in the comments. So appreciate them very much! A bit longer than my previous chapters, thought I might have a go at the whole "write long chapters" thing. Hope you enjoyed it! :)

**Chapter 6**

* * *

Hardy left the same manner he came, slowly and awkwardly shuffling out her door and down the hall.

"Was the shuffle slower than when he came it?" Jenkinson wondered, couldn't quite say for certain though, but it felt so. "Probably going to find Miller, I'm guessing. Probably going to hound her in some sly-devil Scottish magic until she lets him on the Enys case. "

CS Jenkinson knew Hardy's undivided devotion now turned to Ellie Miller, all his energy poured into making sure she would be alright.

_What woman would ever be worthy enough of his fine qualities? Those enduring qualities of passion, devotion, loyal love...something he gave to work and now a woman._

* * *

Back in the hubbub of activity, Miller quickly took control of her floor and soon the new DI had her team organised into the finest detail. Every team was tasked with a specific part of the investigation, and were ordered to have complete reports of their finding on her desk by the evening shift.

All things were right, except for one tiny problem. The chair height lever was stuck. She wasn't as tall as the person who previously occupied it.

"Miller," Hardy crossed him arms and propped himself up with the door frame of his, well, now her office. "Chair giving you a fit there?"

"Ahh! Heavens! Don't do that to me! Just about given me a heart attack! Don't you know better than to sneak up on people?!"

If it wasn't for the insufferable (slightly adorable) smirk plastered all over his smug face, Ellie would have smacked him silly for scaring the daylights out of her.

"Don't you be giving me a heart attack, I might not be able to scream as you just did," he deadpanned and collapsed on the raggedy grey sofa.

"Quite the set of lungs you have, I can hear Fred clearly inherited your genes of that." That cheeky grim made Ellie want to give him a good boxing-again.

Jerking a thumb behind his head, Ellie looked out the glass and saw a group of wide-eyed DCs stunned at their boss' sudden outburst. They scurried back to their tasks when she glared menacingly at them.

"Made quite the impression with your team there, eh? They love a boss who knows how to scream, right?"

The childish eye roll paired with obvious Scottish accent streaked all across his sarcasm did her in.

_Enough was enough._

She jumped out of the finicky rolling office chair so forcefully, it rebounded off the wall and rattled against file cabinet's squeaky drawer.

"Alec Hardy! What is the point of you here? Don't do you have something important to work on, or have you become so bored that now you resort to irritating me?! Go find something else to entertain yourself, I am not your personal entertainment system!"

"Important? Important? Let me think." He feigned ignorance and pondered for a moment tapping his chin thoughtfully, "Hmmm, yes. This case. Missing person, Winston Enys. Cases are important, no? I've come to work on this case. Just got off a chat with Chief Super who says I'm to help you call on the assisted living facility and take notes. So, when are we leaving?" He had the expression that could rival a young child receiving a puppy for the first time.

_Maybe that man was really a child, but in adult form?_ _Man-child, a perfect description of Alec Hardy; if such a word truly existed._

"What a funny thing," Ellie leaned on her left leg, and supported her hands on each hip. "Chief Super and I just had the exact same conversation. I have the upper hand though, I talked to her first."

Her smirk could win against his any day, hands down. "She said specifically for me to NOT let you help out. You're suppose to stay here and talk with people."

"Miller. You can't listen to everything she says, just because she's Chief." He flailed his arms in protest.

"Hold it! What did you just say? Are trying to get yourself fired? Of course you have to listen to her, she's boss!"

"Miller," he dragged out for several syllables, "Listen. To. Me. I am here to help. There's nothing wrong with that, Chief would be thrilled for the case to close quickly, I can help it along. I asked and she said yes to me, so that means I can. You're leading leading this one anyway, I'm only helping. I'll be your sidekick this time round. You know, your gopher, fetching things for you, taking notes, and doing the tedious-boring-dull-mindless write ups."

Unconvinced by his attempt to win her support, she glared intently at him, so he glared back with the same ferocity.

"Fine. Alright!" Miller threw her arms up in protest, "Let's go talk to Jenkinson together, see what kind of truce we can draw up. Happy?"

He grunted grudgingly and slowly rose to his feet. Ellie again took mental note of his sloth-like movements, but didn't make a comment.

"Lead the way out Miller."

* * *

Back once again, her two top DIs stood before the cluttered desk with files, each one mirroring the same stance: feet slightly apart and arms crossed in front.

_Was that a scowl too? They're scowls almost look identical._

"Is this going to be a regular thing, you two popping by for visits out on a whim?" CS Jenkinson beckoned them to take a seat, but neither responded to the question or looked at each other.

"Now I have a fairly good idea of why you both are here. It's about working on the Enys case, right." A curt nod from both, but not a word still.

"Who wants to speak first?"

"Hardy!"

 "Miller!"

Their simultaneous voiced collided, each trying to volunteer the other first.

"Okay there, eager beavers! I'll pick then, seeing even that is too complicate for you two right now," Boss chuckled, "Hardy, you should express why you feel a need to help with this case," turning to Miller, she added," say whatever you'd like after he finishes. I'll make the final decision."

It was as if two school children had stepped into her office, demanding a referee over a trivial matter.

_Well, in all honesty, the truth wasn't far off from the illustration. Only it wasn't quite that simple, was it? Life rarely ran straightforward like the games played in the schoolyard._

Hardy sat ramrod straight and eloquently explained every reason under the sun (and moon too) why it was paramount for him to take an active role in the investigation. He cited all sorts of technicalities, played on the vices of time-consuming paperwork, and limited use of resources and hours in the day. By the end of his long convoluted spiel, Hardy's voice was a bit raspy and his breathing considerably laboured.

"Thank you. Alright?"

"Fine," he wheezed and shot a challenging look to his fellow DI, daring her to say something that would keep him from being on the case.

"Just asking, Hardy. Now Miller, please," Jenkinson prompted, then leant back in her chair, carefully listening to the words her new DI didn't say. Her gut feeling trusted Miller's judgment of Hardy's well being better than what he said (or didn't say).

What wasn't said was more obvious than the stream of sentences rapidly pouring out of her mouth. It was plainer than cloudless blue sky that Hardy desperately wanted to be actively involved with talking to witnesses, and potential suspects (when they actually find some).

However, Miller's speech was harder to discern whether she really wanted Hardy with her. She talked about how well they worked together on the Latimer's and Sandbrook, but then would suddenly spin in bits of Hardy's failing health as reasons for him to stay at the station.

Judging by Hardy's confused expression and disgruntled objections when his health pop up made Jenkinson doubt that Ellie really wanted to rid her former boss of the case. After all, she did specifically ask for his presence to be with her in their prior private meeting.

Ellie finished her ranting and looked over at him, trying to read his typical scowling expression.

_Did he approve of her or not? It was anyone's guess._

"I don't really see why you two are here, it seems things have already been made up. I have faith you both wont outsmart your common sense, so work together as you see fit. Just remember my warning Hardy," Boss raised an eyebrow at him, he nodded solemnly.

"Warning? Should I know about this?" Miller asked pointedly. Boss simply shrugged and gesture to the other DI. It was his health to share- not hers.

"Oh, ermm..." Hardy stalled, rubbing the nape of his neck, "It's nothing important. Boss just wanted to make sure I don't go into cardiac arrest again from chasing down suspect, or something like stupid like that again."

He didn't dare look at his boss in the eye, knowing  _that_  was not her warning, so he stared at Miller with his signature grumpy face.

Miller didn't buy a word of his response. Hardy needed to work on his skills as a liar (not that it is actually something truly to be proud of having), but neither women's put an ounce of trust in his words.

"Well, off you go!" Chief Super rose as Ellie did, but Hardy hadn't even made it upright when both women waited by the open office door.

He was bent in an awkward angle at the waist, grasping the armrest and desk trying keep balance.

It might have been the artificial lighting from the fluorescent bulbs mixed with the natural sunlight, but Miller could have sworn Alec paled a couple shades in trying to stand up.

"Sir?" She prompted out of habit, and moved to offer a hand when he released his death grip on the furniture and strode out the door as if nothing out of the ordinary has transpired.

Slightly bewildered by the scene, Miller took off after him, but not before Boss told her to keep a sharp eye on how much he exerts himself for the case.

* * *

It's wasn't until half twelve that Alec finally made himself visible to Ellie's frantic search for him. She would have demanded an answer right away, so Hardy tucked himself away in the farthest corridor of the least used floor.

"Finally! Where have you been hiding for the past two hours? I demand an explanation to everything Hardy. Are you fit to come gather intel from the nurses?"

She notices his colour came back.

_So it wasn't the light playing tricks on her._

"I was down in the Black Hole, you know it's nicknamed that for a reason, everyone forgets about that place on the second floor. I knew you wouldn't look there, nobody does. Yes I'm fine. Don't want to waste precious time standing here wittering about nonsense. Come!"

He scuttled out of the office and headed toward the car park.

_Did hiding in the Black Hole somehow recharge his batteries, giving him more energy than the Energizer Bunny?_

_Sometimes, he seemed to be dragged by the heels trailing behind Death, at other times he had more energy than a sugar-high toddler running around the park._

Annoyed with his rude and brash reactions to everything, Miller heaved a long-suffering sigh and chased down her partner down to the car park before he could think of something to get himself in trouble.

"Wait! Did you forget that you can't go anywhere without me? I have the keys." She jingle them with a knowing smirk.

"I could always just take them when you're not looking and drive off," he reached for them, "It's not as I'm incapable of driving. I'm a perfectly reasonable driver..."

"But not allowed to," Ellie cut in and balled them in her tightened fist, "don't even have the driving license anymore, can't be behind the wheel now."

"What! How do you know that about my license?" Hardy exclaimed in disbelief, and continued walking toward the car. He never told anyone about that.

"Oh, please! What do you think I am? I'm a detective. A proper detective. I noticed it when your mobile and wallet were discarded on my kitchen table the other day. I'm going to go out on a limb and say, you haven't had that particular ID for a couple months now, but you haven't applied for, or received a citizencard yet. . I'm leaning more toward the 'not applied for one'."

"What are you? Sherlock or something?" He replied gruffly and yanked open the passenger door a bit more than necessary. "It's not as if I'll be going to any pubs soon. Barkeep would be out of his right mind to card me at this tender age." He huffed in annoyance at the mere thought of it all. Not drinking, not driving, Ellie meddling around as if she were the fantastic Holmes.

If she were Holmes, did that make him Watson? Just the two of them running around and solving crimes, sounds an awfully lot like what Sir Doyle wrote...

 


	7. One Journal and A Royal Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex Hardy didn't know which half to put his hopes in, even the doctors didn't know if he would make it off the surgery table. To live or to die: the uncertainty of it all terrified him. Should he die, life would still go on- so dying would be okay, right? Should he live, where would Ellie, Daisy, and Tess stand in his new chance at life? Multi-chapter. No vulgarity!

**Chapter 7**

* * *

_"What are you? Sherlock or something?" He replied gruffly and yanked open the passenger door a bit more than necessary. "It's not as if I'll be going to any pubs soon. Barkeep would be out of his right mind to card me at this tender age." He huffed in annoyance at the mere thought of it all. Not drinking, not driving, Ellie meddling around as if she were the fantastic Holmes._

_If she were Holmes, did that make him Watson? Just the two of them running around and solving crimes, sounds an awfully lot like what Sir Doyle wrote..._

_Just the thought of it gave him the creeps._

* * *

Just a short drive to the assisted living facility and back soon turned into a five-hour ordeal. Ellie was exhausted in all means by the time she pulled up into the carpark.

Everything went brilliantly, except two thing.

One: The insufferable whiny, temperamental, picky, and rude Scottish grizzly bear who had a blatant disregard for not setting his priorities right.

Two: Her loud mouth.

The driving made her limbs sore and her, and the conversation they had during the journey exhausted them both.

Said grizzly bear was currently passed out in her passenger seat wheezing soft little snores. It would be have been cute, if it wasn't for the little bits of drool threatening to trickle out of his mouth. Eww!

He wouldn't ever admit to it - that stubborn proud fool- but tailing after Miller all around the large facility and asking questions really did him in. He could barely keep up with the flow of conversation on the way back, hence being fast asleep, leaving Ellie to fiddle with the SatNav and drive back to the constabulary at the same time.

* * *

Ellie knew better than to challenge him on his health status, but turned out she didn't need to at all. After the fourth staff member they interviewed within a hour of their arrival asked if he was alright, Hardy became increasingly irritable, and then stopped talking altogether. If any brave soul dared to ask about Alec, they were met with a piercing cold stare that could have seen bone.

Hardy just milled around the area, carefully looked at everything whilst Miller would witter away in some babbling detective-y thing-y. He zoned out completely. She'd never seen him have such a blasé attitude when gathering intel, so she chalked it up him feeling utterly rubbish, more so than just being annoyed with everyone's concern for his well-being. She didn't have the heart to say it, but Jenkinson was right. Hardy really wasn't fit for active duty.

In the end, they did make wonderful progress- well, Ellie did. Alec just held the notebook with all the details.

The facility director was more than thrilled for the two of them to investigate the matter. At present, nothing had turned up suspicious. None of the nurses or staff appeared standoffish or reserved in giving a detailed report of Mr. Enys daily activities. However, both of the experienced DIs knew appearances were incredibly deceiving.

Winston Harold Enys was an average chap, with nothing out of the ordinary. His wife, Aileen, left four years before him, unfortunately for the same reason he's in the assisted living facility. Their three children were all married and living across the pond or in Europe, but sadly they never contact him save on the rare occasion- namely their mother's passing. His children never rang him, and his five grandchildren didn't know their roots came from Welsh ground.

_Perhaps he was lonely and wandered off. Who wouldn't be in a situation like this? No wife, and no children to talk with. A lonely old man living in another world inside his beautiful but slipping mind. A truly heartbreaking understanding._

The only plausible cause for his disappearance was Winston just simply walked out the front door, completely under radar. Somehow a man was able to vanish from a high security area with CCTV seemed a bit odd. The doors between hallways or leading to the back gardens all has computerised locking mechanisms, which opened with a resident ID card held up to the sensor. The main entrance required a staff member to use a specially made key to unlock the deadbolts, none of the resident's held keys. None of the door, windows, or latches appeared to be broken or tampered with in the whole place. Winston's room was spotless, not an article of clothing lying around in a wrinkled mess, only his wallet, mobile, and a light jumper were missing.

Glancing around the small room, Alec noticed several aged photos of the Enys family scattered around the sitting room table and lamp stand. They were aged and yellowing around the edges; truly having the 'vintage look' about them. One was definitely a wedding photo, given she was a young beautiful bride wearing the traditional white wedding dress of the 50's with veil and all. Winston too, looked just as handsome standing next to her; the dinner jacket with tails suited him well. His life must have been wonderful, all the photos seemed only to reaffirm the statement.

Unfortunately, just like Alec's, Ellie's spouse did not hold up their end of the everlasting promise.

_Maybe they were once naïve enough to think happily ever after did exist in the real life, but not anymore. Happily ever after were only empty words to appease children's growing intellect. Ellie and Alec grew up, no longer were they wet behind the ears of the true challenges life was capable of forcing into their hands._

Hardy couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness looking at this man's lively life through all his photos.

_It just wasn't fair._

He and Tess were suppose to grow old together, taking on the challenges of life together, raising their daughter (and future grandchildren) together. They were suppose to be together "till death do us part."  _How could you have done this to me Tess?_

Despite all the terrible words and deeds Tess Henchard did, she was his wife and did love her. He would always have a bit of love for her because of Daisy. He still hated her guts, but he couldn't bring himself to rid those precious memories in his mind. Though the worst happened between him and his ex-wife, Daisy reminded him of the happiness still left in this troubled world.

_His Daisy. His daughter._

Alec blinked away the wishful thinking and turned his attention to examining the bedroom area before the tidal wave of emotions would make him lose focus on the case. If he wasn't so lost in reminiscence, he would have seen Ellie mirroring his same sad expression.

She too felt hurt from just looking at Winton Enys' wedding photo. Ellie should have had a wonderful life as a working mum with two boys and a loving husband who took care of homely matters. Those three terrifying words that still echoed in her mind, shattered her life to shambles. It wasn't fair.

They were suppose to watch their children grow up and start a life of their own, to spend their golden years as grandparents spoiling their grandchildren to no end.

_It just wasn't fair._

As Hardy studiously examined the bedroom, Miller took down notes of his observations in her scrawly handwriting. Clearly that man had an eye for details, a quality she very much admired him for. It was the little things that made a world of a difference when in this line of work, just as it was with the two colours of wood floors that broke the Sandbrook case.

Together they wrote down every novel the man owned, recorded every series he fancied on the telly, but most importantly they took his journal back for further analysis. It was a simple brown leather bound unlined journal with a long red leather cord to tie the book closed. "Winston H. Enys" was gold embossed in lower righthand corner right above a date, 10th October 1957. It must have been a wedding gift. Fifty-eight years of marriage happiness for he and his bride.

A lifetime of adventures held in the confines of words, hardly justice it would seem.

_Of all the wonders he's been apart of or seen, he had only written them down- no one to share them with. A man alone with his thoughts, living within the confines of his beautiful Mind Palace... only the Palace was falling apart bit by bit and no one could save him. The monstrosities of Alzheimer's disease._

* * *

Once finished with examining the entire facility, the two tired DIs went back to the station, but not before they stopped for an early dinner. After all, running around starting from half twelve was tiring work.

Given Hardy's pickiness for food and his dietary needs, there weren't many places that could cater to both their palates. In the end, the two found themselves sitting across from each other eating some half decent food in small restaurant. Ellie quickly scarfed down the chicken and pasta whilst Alec nibbled on his rabbit food. His countenance did resemble that of a rabbit: the rapid nibbling, the sudden decision to stop chewing even though not swallowing, the deer-eyed look for no apparent reason.

"Sir!"

"Yes? Alright? Don't like your food Miller?"

"No, I'm just fine….well you seemed a bit spaced out and ehmmm….I know we're technically still on duty, but you can call me Ellie, you know, like when you were at my house last night with the children." She poked the few strands of pasta still left on her plate. As much as they were workmates, they were also good friends, she wanted him to know that too.

"Well then Ellie Miller," the R rolling off his Scottish voice with ease, "Don't call me "Sir" then. We are friends after all, according to you. Right?"

"You cheeky thing! Yes of course you are! You're my friend, you plonker." Her beautiful smile dropped into an expression of concern, "Now in all seriousness, I do want to ask you something. Please be honest with me Alec. We are friends, tell me the truth."

"I don't like the start of that sentence," and took a long swig of his water and averted his gaze to the the suddenly interesting drabby grey wallpaper behind her shoulder.

"I've been thinking about what CS said earlier to you. What was it?"

"I already told you, it was everything I said to CS in the office. You were there, you heard it all."

"Alec," Ellie leant forward, placing her crossed arms on the table. "I heard what you said back there, but I don't believe it."

He sighed and rubbed his beard in frustration.  _Women! Were they all the same?_

"Really Miller, it's honestly not that important. Chief just threatened to kick me out of the force completely, permanently stamped in big red ugly ink "Medical Discharge" if I didn't go for my appointment so..."

"She's serious Alec, medical discharge is nothing like medical leave you had last time. Besides, it is precisely what you promised me," Ellie cut in pointedly, trying to keep the shock of his words off her expression.  _So he was playing off his condition as less than it really was. Daft fool!_

"Are you actually going to listen to her? To me? You promised a visit to your cardiologist, I take you've made an appointment then? When?"

"You're doing it again...Bam. Bam. Bam...Yes, I have Ellie." He punctuated her name with an exasperated sigh. "Happy that I listened? I'm due to come in tomorrow at half eleven in the morning. You'll be pleased to know they harassed me, I didn't even have to call in. I consider that progress, eh?" His sardonic laugh seemed to make the situation worse. Ellie cringed.

His voice dropped and hardened his eyes. "Don't go anywhere without me, especially not to the facility again. I don't want to be stuck with paperwork. CS promised me an active role in this case, and I intend to solve this case as quick as possible."

"No, I won't go without you," she promised, then paused for a moment, letting the gears crank away in her sharp mind. "Hold on. Your appointment, how are you getting there? You can't drive, and you're worried about case development? Priorities Hardy!"

"What do you think!?" his eye-rolling skills were getting better and better every single time they had a little spat. "I know I can't drive, you don't have to remind me that every waking minute, Sherlock. I'm going to walk there. I thought you knew that already Detective Inspector Miller! Either walk or call a hired car. You make an educated conclusion," he fired back sarcastically and burned holes with his glare into those wilting greens.

"Ha!" her voice mirrored his annoyance. The way he was so flippant about his health angered her, something so important shouldn't be treated like rubbish tossed out in the wheelie bins. "Very funny, you should consider being a comedian. Quite a laugh you'll get from crowds. How can you even joke about walking there, you'd be dead before you got there! Fat lot of good the appointment would be then, wouldn't it? It's not as if hospital was only one short block over from your little chalet. No, it's clear across town! Even I can't walk across town, much less you! Which I might add in that you who could barely manage traversing around the facility all afternoon with me wants to walk across town for a HEART appointment. Don't be so daft! Set your priorities right. Doctors come before work! You infuriate me Alec Hardy!"

_So she had notice...need to better my acting skills then. I can't have her reporting to Jenkinson about my health status._

As soon as those words flew out of her mouth, she tasted the bitter poison spreading everywhere. It wasn't suppose to come out, but in the heat of emotions and worry for Alec, her mouth ran faster than her brain. Nothing she could say or do could even begin to rectify what little was left of her ashamed behaviour.

He said nothing, did nothing. Simply looked at her with a sad wide-eyed, but knowing expression. He didn't even recoil from those thoughtless words, Ellie had expected him to storm away in rage or hurt, but he didn't at all. It was almost as if he'd expected it, like he heard the same rant many times before and became immune to it.

_Was that why he had such a disregard for his ticking bomb? He convinced himself: dying on the table was the only viable outcome of the whole scenario. It that why he didn't have one ounce of care for the operation that might very well give him a long and healthier life? Why have a care for anything if you're not around to enjoy it? Heaven help me! I've just signed that man's life away._

"Oh my! I...I'm sorry," She moved to sit right next to him, turning him by the shoulders to face her. "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, Alec. I shouldn't have said that. It wasn't right. It was uncalled for, total inappropriate and thoughtless. Please! Alec. I...Say something. Yell at me. Tell me to sod off or call me some colourful adjectives. Be angry with me, I know I deserve it and much more." Ellie was all but wailing by the end of it. The horror of her words was clearly etched into those pleading brown eyes.

"Miller," he sighed, the Scottish blood ever more present than usual. Though those word struck his heart over and over like stabs of a blunt sword, he knew Ellie's rage was coming from kindness and worry. Nevertheless, it made his physical heart hurt with every contraction and his figurative heart stop beating. "I know. I know."

The two finished their meals in a strained silence, neither one making eye contact until absolutely necessary.

"Come, let's go back to the station." She left some notes on the table and helped him stand. Again like the previous times in Chief's office, he relied heavily on the table and didn't push away her offered hand to help him straighten up. She could have shot herself in the foot for saying such senseless words.  _"You'd be dead before you got there…"_

_Ellie Miller, look what your loud mouth and brainless head got you into. A royal mess. Your best friend is convinced he will die, and you've just gone and make it engrained in his deranged mind even more! What a friend you are! Dimwit!_

* * *

It wasn't a terribly long drive back to the constabulary, but it did give them enough time to right the wrongs.

"Alec, I…ehmm...It..." Ellie fumbled nervously. "About what happened earlier. Please know how truly sorry I am. I regret everything leading up to it also. I was just worried, you know, I saw those letters back your place. I haven't stopped thinking about them since...And, well, it's just that,I want you around, you know. Tom and Fred love you."

"I know Ellie. I know. I forgive you." He had closed his eyes ever since settling into the reclined passenger seat, and hadn't opened them still. "I've read them enough times to regurgitate it verbatim. The doctor's are right though. I'm not going to make it in time for a white wonderland, but I'll be around for as long as I can. Maybe even get the wee one to say my name properly, wouldn't you like that?" A wishful smile dotted his lips for the briefest moment.

"Don't talk like that, please. Just don't. I won't listen to that nonsense. I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry. Please don't remember what I said. I'm so so sorry. Don't just call it quits now, you will see snow. Well...if it actually would snow. Regardless, you'll make it to a new year and many after that. I will be driving you there tomorrow. I won't and can't let you go by yourself." She was thankful Alec couldn't see the tears threatening to overflow onto her cheeks.

She absolutely hated when he talked about time in such a dismal way, as if he'd given up any hope of continuing on. It was all her fault for opening that can of worms, but it needed to be sealed shut. Letting those thoughts run free did not help her nor him.

It was Pandora's box and no less.

"Ellie, there's no need," and grunted in pain as the car lurched over a small patch of uneven pavement. His headache was increasing and every slight movement sent jolts surging into his nociceptors. Maybe it was linked to that crabby heart of his or not- he couldn't say for sure, but he was sure that he might very well pass out from the pain of it, if it didn't stop.

"I'll call for a ride," his voice strained masking the pins and needles sensation, "It's a doctor's appointment. They're no fun, for both patient and tag-alongs. It'll be a string of useless test confirming what needn't be said, and long boring discussions about pills. Don't come. Stay and work on the case. It needs to be closed as soon as possible."

"Absolutely not. I'm driving you there. Chief will understand why I won't be at the station tomorrow. You can't brush this off, and I know the ride there will be a lot for you. I'm driving. End of it. Alec, please don't be like that, all I'm Mr. Tough-and-can-do-anything. It's ok to accept help." She glared at the road as if it would keep the dam from spilling over her lashes again. Her mind raced in circles trying to right every wrong she'd cause. If it's the last thing she would ever do, she'd make sure he'd make it to ring in a new year. All the many things Alec's done for her deserved to be rewarded, and to just throw it all to naught was a bitter waste. Living without a broken hearts would be reward in full.

So enthralled with emotions, she almost didn't hear his whisper.

"Thank you, Ellie."

* * *

Not long after stitching up the gaping wound between the two friends, Alec allowed himself to be pulled into the oblivion known as Sleep. However, deep sleep eluded him. He knew Ellie truthfully didn't mean to string him with such harsh words, but the marks were still there. It was a fitful rest that drained more energy out of the exhausted one.

The eminence of his death seem to loom over his head like the Sword of Damocles, a most fitting illustration. The Sword of Damocles hung about a king's head, always reminding him any moment could be just last- last is precisely how it appeared to Alec Hardy.

_Why does it hurt so much to know I'll die because of my stupid heart? No one can evade Death's ever present hand, so what makes my death any different? Dying on the table or of old age, they're both the same. I'll be gone._

_Daisy will still be there though...and if she isn't for some reason, god forbid, then I certainly wouldn't see a point to continue on without her._

_Ellie. What would I do without her? As insufferable as she is most of the time, I do value her companionship and help with work. If...no, when I die, I know she'll be able to handle it. As part of the force, we're all required to take multiple courses on how to deal with death. One course discuss the laws and regulations of what appropriate steps are taken when having a corpse in a case, other courses detail how to interact with related ones of the decease. Though everyone is affected differently by it, I don't think it would matter much to anyone in this gloomy beach with too much salt in the air. What do they care of me anyway? I'm the life-ruiner and worst cop in Britain. Couldn't get much worse than that, can it?_

_No one would miss me, it's better that way. Alone is what protects me^^. No strings attached. Daisy has her mother and Miller has her two boys. I needn't worry about their well-being, now should I? They're set._

_I'd like to visit Daisy one more time, before the sand runs out._

_Grant a dying man's wish, eh Daisy? Make your old man smile one last time, won't you? Just answer my voicemails, please?_

* * *

**A-N: Thank you for reading and your lovely comments! Xx Cheers!**

**^^quote taken from BBC SHERLOCK Series 2**


End file.
